Understanding PDA: Your Child's Need for Control Isn't Defiance

If your child seems to resist even the simplest requests, melts down over transitions, or only wants to do things on their terms, you might be seeing PDA, a neurological profile increasingly recognized in neurodivergent children. While clinically labeled "Pathological Demand Avoidance," Karla Pretorius reframes this through a neuroaffirming lens as "Persistent Drive for Autonomy," because these children aren't trying to be difficult. They're trying to survive in a world that feels unpredictable and threatening.

Drawing from 21 years of clinical experience and her own lived experience with ADHD and PDA, Karla walks through the four phases PDAers cycle through constantly: unease (the baseline state), anxiety, overwhelm, and dread, which manifests as either explosion or complete freeze. Through candid personal stories, she reveals how PDA presents in three ways: externalizing (aggressive refusal), internalizing (quiet compliance with growing resentment), or combined types, all rooted in profound anxiety and a fundamental mistrust that someone is always waiting to confirm they're "too much."

This session offers practical guidance for parents: creating low-demand environments, using a low-arousal tone, explaining reasons rather than issuing commands, and building trust through your own vulnerability. Karla explains why traditional parenting approaches backfire, why even giving two choices can feel like a demand, and why high praise creates pressure rather than motivation. For children whose nervous systems are constantly in survival mode, this neuroaffirming approach offers a path to genuine connection and cooperation.