Punished by Rewards: Why Rewards and Punishments Both Fail Kids

To support neurodivergent kids, we must begin by understanding what sort of approach doesn't make sense, and why. In this interview for Think Sensory, Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards and Unconditional Parenting, argues that manipulating children's behavior with rewards and punishments, training them as though they were pets, is both morally objectionable and, according to decades of research, unlikely to be effective in the long run.

Interventions such as ABA are particularly destructive for autistic children. That's true for multiple reasons: the preoccupation with measurable behaviors that ignores the experience of the human being who engages in those behaviors; the proven drawbacks of carrot-and-stick control across a wide range of settings; and the poisonous message of conditional acceptance: "You are valuable only when you act the way you are told."

Kohn also explores various constructive alternatives that are rooted in a respectful relationship rather than in power and control. He makes the case that rewards and punishments are two sides of the same coin, each built on control and each undermining the intrinsic motivation and connection that kids depend on, and he points toward what it looks like to work with children instead: supporting their autonomy, helping them consider the effect of their actions on others, and offering acceptance that does not have to be earned.